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Hapless Planter – Ep10: I’m potty and I know it

Hapless Planter – Ep10: I’m potty and I know it

Let’s not beat around the bush here – Marcus is dead. 

A few words about Marcus: He was a right good plant and looked sensational in my bathroom. Then, for no reason, he decided to be a little bitch. Nothing I did was enough, and he wilted away until he was just two pathetic strands in a glass bottle. Soz for not being able to cater to your high-maintenance and uncommunicated changing needs. RIP Marcus.

And whilst we’re on the death train. BYE MATE:

You stupid Hoya loser.

Doesn’t matter; I’ve counted and I have 46 houseplants, so if a few of them want to die off every now and again, then in the great (slightly adapted) words of Lumiere (duh, Beauty and the Beast), be my guest.

I’ve spent a frankly ridiculous amount of time shopping for pots and trying to avoid spending my pitiful savings on them. So I thought it might be good to share a few of my fave ones including hot spots for browsing. 

Disclaimer – I am not very good at getting the right size pots and I’m slightly fond of variations of green. And, yes, I really should teach a class on seamless image editing.

Sass and Belle are great for reasonably-priced small pots (and where most of my little ones are from). The vast majority of my bigger ones are from Hortology and iamfy (when they have offers on, naturally). Charity shops are also great for quirky planters and Chester has an abundance.

I’ve sourced some big planters in the sale from Grosvenor Garden Centre, and B&Q and Homebase are surprisingly good for pot bargains.

Available at the time of writing:

One day I’m going to teach myself to make them out of cement. Today is not that day.

For the innards (yes, I’m obviously referring to the plastic pots the plant goes in), I like Elho’s green basics range (11cm) and Nutley’s recyclable 13cm pots. I’ve also recently loaded up on saucers (to catch the water during drainage) as I can’t afford to properly pot up all my plants AND some will be given away at Plant Swap.

That’s right folks, Chester Plant Swap is back this Saturday (socially-distanced, of course) outside The Green Rooms.

It’s a friendly group of locals swapping plants and chatting all things green. The Facebook group is super supportive and recently advised me on the fungus gnats swarming my monstera. 

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Which incidentally, is a GRIM problem. I was going to kill it by myself, I don’t need help! The advice was to isolate the plant, let it dry out, then cover the surface with sand. I’ve also set up a few fly stickers. I think you’ll agree, it’s a very fetching look:

Back to the subject of equipment briefly, I’m very attached to my indoor watering can.

It’s probably important to point out that the vast majority of my purchases in life are aesthetically-driven, with practicality coming in close second. This little guy however is pretty and top notch at his job:

Right, that’s me for the day – off to try and salvage my broken marriage (husband left the shed door open during the last frost and 20 of my tomato plants are dying).

Not looking good for him or the tomatoes, if I’m honest.

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