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Hapless Planter – Ep4: Resorting to desperate measures

Hapless Planter – Ep4: Resorting to desperate measures

Hi everyone,

Still got no life? Me neither!

So, in Ep3 we looked at the very sorry state of some of my once thriving buddies. Things went from bad to worse and other plants even joined in the fun! If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Polly (full name – Alocasia Polly) went from nought to sixty like a right little turncoat. But does manage to look sensationally autumnal in her speedy decline:

In my true feckless style, I decided it was time to take gut-based, un-researched, immediate action.

I rounded up my injured soldiers and one by one, boshed them out the pots to assess their bottoms. The untrained eye might not have a clue what they were looking at, but I had no issue with the diagnosis – all of them, without question, were suffering from being in the wrong soil. It was conclusive – the soil was pants, the water wasn’t draining and the roots were rotting.

This was excellent for two reasons. One – it meant all I had to do, was give them a bit of a fiddle, chop off some bits ad-hoc and put them in new, better soil. Two – it confirmed that their demise had nothing whatsoever to do with my actions as a plant owner.

And much like applying concealer on a spot which will long-term make it worse, the short-term effect has been stunning. Polly looks positively chirpy:

Brenda (I’m giving them names now because apparently once you name something, it’s much harder to kill) has gone from sitting in a graveyard of her own arms:

To being ready to be escorted to the ball:

Tony’s had a very severe haircut but loves his new look:

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And Marcus had to undergo a full-body amputation but is now quite happy bathing in the pool:

If only these photos taken minutes after repotting were any indication of the future survival of the plants!

I’m pretty confident that putting Marcus in water will in no way allow him to grow roots (he’s just not that type of plant) but I’ll try anything once.

In Ep5, I think we’ll be seeing the first funeral in the series (yes, I’m looking at you Marcus), where I admit defeat and top up the compost heap. Full disclosure, there is a dead plant in my bathroom but I’m giving it the opportunity to come back:

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