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Hapless Planter – Ep5: Limping along and other misadventures

Hapless Planter – Ep5: Limping along and other misadventures

Guys, Polly’s absolutely hanging after a big weekend (gosh, someone should really clean that glass):

Well, two of her three heads are. Why is one of them happy as Larry? I have NO IDEA. It probably doesn’t help that I just googled alopecia polly instead of alocasia. Although it would explain the hair loss.


Thank you Google! Again, sounds like it’s totally not my fault. 

Surprisingly, Marcus is absolutely loving life in the swimming pool. I have it on good authority that this will definitely not work long-term but for now, paddle away Marcus, paddle away:

One of my maranta leaves is being a little bitch, but overall I’ve had miraculous success with this plant who seems to tolerate my neglect and cack handedness like a pro. Let’s call her Mama Pru:

She even gave me Little Pru, my first successful propagation in water last year:

I realise all these plants need dusting, but I’m not made of time, okay? Also, on the above plant, mostly, it’s specks of ‘Pink Stuff’ – an excellent cleaning product that I use on the shower tiles, so Little Pru is actually super clean, if a tad speckled.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to start hacking away at my healthier, bushier plants (by which of course I mean, gently removing a few shoots), and put them in water on a south-facing windowsill.

I also need to figure out how to split up my calathea, Britney (named because she just went cray cray out of nowhere), as I think she’s now too mahoosive for her pot. I knocked Britney over recently and she started growing even bigger. Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen team:

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Annoyingly you have to split these plants – which, looking at the size of her, should be easy because I think there are babies in there now with different root systems. As it’s me we’re talking about, PROBS NOT.

I’ve been buying a shit ton of vegetable seeds in prep for expanding my killing spree this year. 2021: Go big or go home. Last year, I managed tomatoes and courgettes (okay, just the plant bit), but so late on in the year that they didn’t give me any veg. They were tall and healthy for ages which made me feel awesome and filled with false hope. So I did this:

The seeds, not the dog (he just got in the way like a right poser).

Ep6 is going to be focused on setting myself up to fail in the veg department. There’s just not enough decay around this place. I think I’m doing this blog a disservice if I don’t have at least one thing rotting away in each room.

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